June 23 2021

 It's been a week since our quarantine, been a week with my boyfriend now, but I have no complaints except for the night Maymay had an episode. I don't know if he had an episode or he's just simply expressing his true feelings. Either way, it was my first time to hear him speak about his decision to die. He said matagal naman na nakaplano yun, he's just waiting for his mom to pass away, then he'll follow. I comforted him, and told him nothing at first. Then I thought if he's thinking of a bad future, I need to replace it with a good one. So I described to him what our future would look like, with his mom, having a comfortable and happy life together. It comforted him somehow, but an episode is an episode. He said the only thing that will make him stop thinking about negative things is when his mind gets tired. He's also been away of medications for a long time now. He doesn't get that much panic attacks anymore, and this is the only time he had an episode that I was with him that is. I don't know if he had more or if he's not telling me about it. But my resolve to make this relationship work got even stronger. I don't want to lose someone who only wants the best for his mom and other people. I hope he gets to fill himself up with self love, and find what something in this world that is worth living for aside from his mom, cause it's such a waste to lost someone who's so loving, so thoughtful, so helpful, and so good at what he does. I hope I'm enough reason. 

Anyway, it's been a while since I wrote something here. Di naman nakakapagtaka na kami parin ni May haha. Nakalipas narin yung birthday nya last June 3. Nabisto yung surprise ko LOL. Now we're both in his apartment kasi nga nagqquarantine pa kami. Might take another week before we can go outside again. I miss going out, and maswerte kami na meron kaming bikes, so sometimes we go outside for a ride. From our apartment, we pass through UPLB and IRRI and traverse the roads of Puypuy til we reach the highway. it's a good one and a half hour of ride going to and back. I'm liking it so far :) Since wala rin namang volleyball ngayon, it's nice that we still get to have some form of physical activity. 

Sana di kami magkaron ng kahit anong symptoms sa last week ng quaratine namin, and sana bumalik narin yung volleyball games.